Picking it up

Although I was still cramping pretty bad, I went back to school today. I was so scared that I would have to re-live the miscarriage and even more worried about everyone knowing we are trying to have a baby. I still worry that the question will begin soon. "When are y'all going to try again?" I don't mind the question so much, it's just that I can't think about trying again. I need time to grieve the loss. I understand that it happened for a reason, but I keep going back to the fact that I'm not pregnant anymore. Moving Addie to a big girl room doesn't seem so easy anymore. That's what I get for planning...

There are many reasons why I love teaching but I was reminded today when I went back. Instead of a barrage of questions, I got loving hugs from my co-workers and a normal day from my students. You could say my classroom is my La-La Land. It's a special place where the outside world doesn't seep in. There is no tv, my phone stays on silent, I get occasional emails, and very little time to myself. Sometimes I think being cut off from the world is a bad thing, but today was different. All I wanted was normalcy.

Planning for a sub is always a nightmare. I knew that I was going to be out Monday for my doctor's appointment so I had sticky notes on books, I typed up the day's schedule, every book needed was laid out, morning work was on the board, homework was ready, copies were made. Tuesday, though, was a total surprise. My poor sub just had to wing it. I didn't mind getting my room back together today and re-teaching everything. It kept me occupied. Now if I can just muster through the aching and constant yearning for sleep, I will make it.

Here is our little blessing...think we should cut out some tv? ha...

Losing a piece of me

   Some of you reading may already know that we experienced a great loss today. We found out two weeks ago that we were pregnant. We told our family this weekend but were waiting to tell others. I took off from school today for our first doctor appointment expecting to be leaving with a smile and sonogram pictures in hand. Instead we left with heavy hearts and tears in our eyes.

   The sonogram didn't look like it should have and when I went upstairs for the urine sample, I lost a lot of blood. I knew what was happening. I walked into the waiting room and sobbed into Andrew's shoulder. My doctor examined me, sent me back down for another sonogram and it was gone. When we skipped the blood-work, it really set in and I fell apart. I knew she was about to sit down and tell us that we miscarried.

    We are blessed to have such a wonderful doctor. She hugged me and explained everything in detail. It meant so much that she took so much time with us. I didn't ask many questions because when it hit me, I wanted to be ok. I tried to hold back. All I could think about was moving on. How can we think about trying again when I'm not sure how long it will take to recover emotionally from this? It's something that will take time and trust that God has a plan for us.

   Addie was asleep when I got home from the doctor. I got her out of her bed and put her in our big bed. Andrew, Addie, and I snuggled together for most of the day. It's comforting that she doesn't know what is going on. All she knows is that we are sad about something so she keeps dishing out kisses to us. Mom came and got her to give us a little break but I couldn't be without her for long. She is even more special to us now. It was a surprise to us that we were pregnant with her and we had an easy delivery. What a blessing she was and is! What would we do without her?

   Patience, understanding and trust are three things that we are learning through this. It's funny that Sunday night, with my 12th graders, we talked about how God uses the valleys and the peaks to teach us to trust in Him. Here is my real-world application. Praise him in the peaks AND in the valleys. Although I am struggling to understand, I know that there is a reason.

   It's been a roller coaster of a day.  We have gone through every emotion. I now know what this is like. I have always heard of it and have had close friends and family members go through it, but I could never relate. You can't until you have experienced this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's physically and emotionally painful. It's not going to be easy but we will get to ok. I have heard that you never forget this baby but you do move on and find peace about it. I hope that we get there soon.

 

Air show part 2

Here are the other air show pics:

Family photo

 I thought this was great of Andrew and Addie

Airplane!!

 Addie wasn't really sure what to do

 Watching the planes

 Addie and Toddy

 Eating parts of a chicken on a stick...so healthy 

 Watching the planes do tricks

Very entertained

Chowing down on Uncle Sean's apple

Air Show

Addie is infatuated with airplanes so when Mom asked me if we wanted to go to the air show today, we got really excited!  The whole family loaded up in the suburban and headed to Hawkins Field. It was a free show and I think it was an all day thing. We just stayed from 1:00 to around 3:00 and it was plenty. It was an interesting crowd...

Addie and I got to sit in an airplane! I'm not going to lie...I enjoyed it. Although we will probably be sunburned, it was very entertaining. I took a ton of pictures on my mom's camera so I will post those later. 

Playing in the airplane

Catching a break from the sun

She loved watching the planes

This Beautiful Saturday

(Most of) Today has been one of those days that I want to treasure. Andrew had to go to the ribbon cutting of the renovated Kroger this morning so Addie and I decorated the driveway in chalk with notes for Daddy. (Side note about the Kroger...it's now the largest Kroger in the country. It's a big deal.) When he got home, the family loaded up and went to A Day in the Country. If you aren't familiar, it's a huge event that Chapel of the Cross, a historic Episcopal church in Madison, puts on each year. There are tents full of hand-made crafts, children's clothing, great food, and funky finds. It was so nice to stroll around and look at all of the cool crafts for sale. What a perfect day for that!

On the way home, we made a pit stop at the Farmer's Market to get some gourds (of course!), fresh fruits, veggies AND boiled peanuts. The peanuts were delicious! We spread a blanket out in the front yard and ate every single one. Which leads to my other discovery and why I said "most of" at the beginning of the post.

After eating several boiled peanuts on our beautiful blanket in the sun, Addie threw up! SO glad we were in the front yard. She has eaten peanuts several times and we've never had an issue. WELL...long story short, her face has been broken out a little bit this week. I noticed a couple of bumps Thursday and I just thought it was just because I washed her clothes with regular Tide because I normally use Tide Free. I re-washed everything yesterday but she still had a couple of bumps today.

Wheels in my head starting turning when she threw up!!! She didn't sleep well Thursday night or Friday night which means I didn't sleep well either. I checked her hands and feet...and found 3 bumps on the bottom of her foot! Mom + Teacher + No medical degree (but close enough) = Hand, Foot, Mouth Disease. (They should leave off the word disease...it sounds so permanent) If you don't know about this it's kind of like the chicken pox. It is very common and contagious among 3 year or younger children. Normally, it spreads through daycares, schools, etc. I have NO IDEA where Addie got it since she isn't in daycare and hasn't been in a nursery in the past month. They have sores, or bumps, in or around their mouth, on their hands, and on their feet. It lasts about a week and then goes away. They might run fever, vomit, and the sores can be painful. Bless her heart!! It caught me so off-guard tonight because I can't figure out where she would have been exposed to it.

Knock on wood, the only allergy she has is an orange allergy. My brother has the same allergy so it's not weird to us. Andrew and I don't have allergies and pray that we don't have children that are allergic to everything under the sun. For a brief second tonight, I was having a panic attack about a possible peanut allergy. Thank goodness that's not what it is. Whew! I think I can handle a week of HFMD. I guess we will just hang out around the house for a week.

 Love some sidewalk chalk...except when the piece gets so small that you scrape your finger, ha

 She loved carrying the bucket around

 I love this picture!

Taking the chalk out and putting it back in...so fun